Damsel In Streets

I feel my emotions fleeting every time I see you. Above the clouds, there it went. Without a lifejacket to anticipate the fall, without anything to welcome the drown. I thought I could chase it away with the distance I laid but it never goes away every minute of the day. It is just another poem to keep the emotions at bay, don't worry babe, I will only keep writing to drive the madness away.

Ito na ang huli sapagkat dito na natatapos ang kahibangang inukit ko sa isip na maski'y sa panaginip ay patuloy na sumisingit. Tinatapos ko na, ang bawat sandali at oras na inilaan para sa pagsintang hindi kailanman maipararamdam. Ikukubli ko sa dilim at ibabaon na sa nakalipas ang bawat pagtinging hindi kailanman mabibigyan ng pansin. Ito na ang dulo at kahit paulit ulit at isigaw ko man na ito na ang dulo, hindi ito makakarating sayo sapagkat wala namang ikaw, sa mundo kong nilagyan ko ng tayo.

Tayo ay tala na pinagtagpo sa maling henerasyon. Tayo ay nilinlang ng panahon upang ang tayo ay hindi magkataon. Sa guni guni ko ay tayo pa rin kahit na ang ningning natin ay hindi na para sa isa't isa. Ang aking hiling sa susunod na yugto ay magkaron ng katuparan ang inukit ng tadhana. Sapagkat tayo ay tala at ang ating alab ay patuloy na magliliyab sa kalawakan.

Did you know that I never liked heights? I fear it so much because I always have recurring dreams of falling. Did you know I never learned to swim because I fear that I might drown? Did it ever occur to you that despite all these fears, I never took a step back when I decided to fall for you? Despite all these fears, I continue to drown into my fantasies of being with you and the only fear I have right now is the truth that I cannot be with you.

I cannot count how many late night road trips we already had. How many times we end up on gas stations to get a hot steaming cup of coffee. How many times you shared the funniest anecdotes which I laughed so hard at. Do you remember that one time when we finally held hands and gave each other that one kiss which changed everything? The stars shining so dimly that night are my witness to that moment, that moment wherein I finally won this complicated game of love.

It's days like these when you start to become the noise inside my head. I can't stop thinking of the what "ifs". These days makes me remember those times when I became obsessed with the idea that there can become an us but it also reminds me that all of this is just inside my head. There can never be a possibility of us because beneath all of these emotions are just my feelings and none of yours.

"A thousand cranes for one wish", he said. I am a fool to believe that a thousand cranes will help me convince the universe that you belong to me. I may be a fool but I held on that, longer than you can imagine and here I am folding my last crane to complete the three thousandths.

I like to believe that you've been thinking of me. How ironic the universe must have been, to make me believe that maybe, we are meant to be. You are those city lights, so bright and serene from where I stand last night and this is the distance I would like to keep so that you may never hear how my heart skips a beat whenever you are near.

I try to live in a blur offered by this life I never chose. I try to seek what is good yet there is nothing. I see nothing but unimaginable pain, hatred and misery. I have nothing beside me but the numbness inside my chest and  helpless silent cries each night. There is no escape, nothing will ever free me from this chain of overwhelming sadness.

Do people read anymore? Its been a while since I visited this blog that I've created years ago. I was an avid reader of different blogs and until now I still follow these blogs. Since it is the holidays, I decided to catch up on some reading from the bloggers that I've followed and it is too sad to know that not all of them are updating their blogs anymore. They don't write anymore and I just miss reading their stories and ideas that inspired me ages ago to create my own blog. My love for the written words has always been there. I believe that writing is the purest form of expression rather than speaking naturally because when you write, you reflect deeply on the thoughts that you want to express. It is for me, the sincerest and the most beautiful among the rest. It is a personal preference only. Spoken words are good too but in my personal opinion, this is what I prefer. I guess the blogging sphere is now in the limelight due to the preference of people over v